World is A Shitty Place to Live
No, it’s not a sarcasm and no, you’re not reading a page long of motivational writing. If that’s what you’re looking for, just get out of here (just kidding, maybe you can find new perspective here).
I decided to write this after my friend showed me a photo of text that said “If you overthink, write. If you underthink, read.” (I forgot the rest, but those two lines were the ones that hit my mind). So, every new writing here means every time I overthink, cool.
You know, I think what people mean by saying “chill, you’ll face a bigger problem on the future” is true. I always think that every problem I’ve ever faced couldn’t be worse, but apparently it can, even in the way that we don’t even want to think about it. I used to think that didn’t pass a selection of a music team for international competition was the most shitty thing that people could have ever had. But, being jobless in 22 years old, apparently make that certain event feel like a stupid childish matter. Well, who cares? It’s cool, yes, but it didn’t matter when you realized that living a life need more than a cool international competition shit.
Fuck music competition. Life competition is the real competition. We even compete in life since we’re a child, by trying to win a certain toy from our siblings or trying to get our parent attention. Oh yeah, there’s always a black sheep in the family and apparently it’s me as the middle child, somehow feel like an obvious event lol.
I have this family that doesn’t feel like a family, that’s first. We don’t talk to each other much, and my younger brother is my enemy. I love my mom, she’s kind, but too kind to do something that she’s supposed to. My dad is basically a caring person, he just don’t know how to do it properly. My firstborn brother is probably the most generous typical person, he just sometimes didn’t aware of the time he’s supposed to use his generous built-up character. My secondborn sister is probably the middle ground of this family. My thirdborn brother was used to be the rebel of this family, but now he’s fine and funny, too funny until I don’t know if he even knows what ‘serious’ means at all. That’s all. Unperfect family like every family.
Since my only enemy is unfortunately the youngest, it feels like hell when we, in the end, became the last two children that are still living with our parents. It surely feel like hell when just don’t-talk-to-each other is apparently not enough, so he makes it worse by filling this house with every single sarcasm he could think of. There’s nothing such a respect in his dictionary. Oh sorry, he has respect for anyone who can give him money since as the last child, the only unfortunate thing he has is second-hand stuffs.
Well I’m not perfect either, I’m jobless remember? And he probably sees me as the most useless human being in this world. Not only with the fact that I’m jobless and couldn’t give some money for this family like my first and third brother do, as the black sheep in this family, I also tend to live in my own bubble in this house and can only get all my personalities out when I am in my friends circle.
Now, let’s talk about a realistic shitty thing called economic, this probably one of the fun part. My family is basically a middle-low class family. Yes, thank God we have a house, we can eat three times a day, me and my siblings can get a proper education, we even have a couple of motorcycles. But no, we don’t have a PS5, PS4, PS3, or even PS2. And no, we never go to Disneyland, we also don’t have a single pizza or a Netflix subscription every month, or whatever it is that people called with tertiary needs. There’s where my family in an economic level. It’s not that bad, huh?
Well it is, if we don’t consider my mom’s only God knows loans to afford the majority parts. That’s the thing with my family, it seems fine, but actually if I think about it, it isn’t. My mom was the source of my family income since my Dad laid off from his job when I was born in 1999. And as you can count from my explanation above, my family members are 7 in total. We don’t have to do the math to know that my mom’s income wasn’t enough for all of that. My mom was only a staff in a company, not even a supervisor until she’s retired this June.
At some point, my mom’s realized that she shouldn’t take those loans anymore because if she’s then retired, where will she finds money to pay for those loans? The answer is no where since she’s even too kind to ask for her children money for anything. And this realization came when I was in high school. In my country, the school is free (no tuition) until you reach a middle school. So, you have to pay for high school tuition and since she tried to stop taking those loans that time, she couldn’t afford my high school tuition. I kept study in high school because it’s simply bad for the school itself to kick its students just because they couldn’t afford the tuition.
But when I was graduated from high school, I couldn’t get my diploma because I didn’t pay the tuition. My mom had to come to see the headmaster and solve this out. The resolution was my mom paid the tuition for about 1/3 of the total. The process was obviously didn’t go as well as it sounds like and in the end my school took the resolution because that’s the amount of money that my mom could afford. And my mom had to go on this process twice, because my younger brother also got to that school and of course, the school didn’t seem like it at all. Fuck high school people.
Now, maybe you can imagine what I feel when I was going into university, which even has a higher tuition than high school. I started to apply for a scholarship and several part-time jobs. I was accepted in one of the jobs I applied, the one that didn’t even care with my weird act as a person who tried to get a job for the first time. And here’s the part when I saw the prove that God didn’t leave me alone, I got a full scholarship. Hell yeah dude, that’s probably one of the happiest moments in my life. Again, when I got the scholarship, what I want to say other than thanks God was fuck college people. I almost got canceled to get into the university because me and my mom had to see many college people in the process of trying to explain that the tuition was too high for us.
But that’s just how things work. Exactly! That’s why I said on the title that world is a shitty place to live. Because that’s exactly how things work in this world. Some people get an ideal nice and warm family and some people don’t. Some people get a ‘crazy rich’ title and some people have to work their ass like hell to be able to eat. And many people simply don’t care about other’s situation or can’t do anything about it. So, imagine what can a child with a weird family situation like me have to do to make it better? Sometimes, nothing. Also imagine what can ones with similar situation but maybe not as luck as me to get a scholarship do to get access to education? Sometimes, nothing. Because many things depend on others, not ourselves. The decision to give someone a scholarship is on the hand of people who give the scholarship.
So, to wrap this up, many things that seem nothing for some people are a privilege for others. Whatever sucks it feels for a student to study, it’s still a privilege. Please for the love of God, think about it. Think about how unfair how things work is. And what I wrote here is a small part of many unfair things out there.
Anyway, I think I need to say this, writing is indeed a good idea when overthink. I feel damn better at this point. It doesn’t change the fact of how shitty my situation right now is, but I’ve spitted it out, even in an anonymous way. Well, fuck it.
